Now that we know who's going to the Super Bowl, we should probably go over a few tips for throwing or attending a Super Bowl party. This is derived from past experiences that should help make your Super Sunday live up to some of the Super Hype you will be hearing for the next few days. I also included some universal hand signals that can be used to describe certain events (click on picture).
* Tip #1: That Guy - Where I live there aren't a lot of Steelers fans in the vicinity and I doubt think there are many Cardinal fans in general, but the one thing you don't want to do is be the serious fan at a Super Bowl party. If you've had a vested interest in the team all season and don’t have any other friends who have had a vested interest in the same team, stay home and watch it by yourself. Seems antisocial right? Wrong.
Think of this way: there is always some dude who doesn’t know anything about football who's at the Super Bowl party just for the food. 100% of the time this dude is a tool who will cheer for the other team just because he knows you're heavily invested in this game. He doesn’t cheer when something good happens to the opposite team but rather when something bad happens to your team. He gives you the little fist pump and the "I-just-clogged-the-toilet" grin. Being that the Super Bowl is the Holy Grail of your football watching season, and your team is in it, you will be tempted to punch him in the face and try to stab him in the larynx with the sharp part of the Dorito. Keep everyone's safety in mind, just stay home.
* Tip #2: Girl Party - If you are going to a Super Bowl party hosted by a bunch of girls and actually want to watch the game, you're playing with a bag full of angry snakes my friend; rattlers to be exact. I've been to a couple of these parties and understand why you would go: 1. there is always food 2. there are girls 3. their place doesn’t smell like feet. BUT, most of them are excited to have a party with all of their friends, not excited to watch the game. That's fair, just know this going in. You won’t hear any sideline analysis or game breakdown. This is fair warning; don’t let it get to you. (Side Note: If a girl hosting the party yells at everyone to shut-up during and injury update or something, you should immediately drop down on one knee and propose.)
* Tip#3: Channel Changer – Due to the heavy investment and long hours marketing people put into the Super Bowl, the only appropriate time to change the channel is during the halftime show, which always blows (Springsteen really? Does the music coordinator know that not everyone was born in New Jersey in the 70's). This is true for all halftime shows unless one of the Jackson’s is in it. In which case set your Tivo and get excited.
Quick Tips:
* No green veggies at all-man parties. In fact the only veggies allowed on the veggie plates are carrots and must be covered in ranch dressing. This is a scenario when the term "sausage fest" is uniquely appropriate.
* Gambling is good and encouraged. Nothing like a good Super Bowl grudge between friends because Frank had to watch the game outside for the first quarter when the coin toss landed heads.
* Seriously, if a girl says “shut up” during the Super Bowl game marry her.
* TVs less than 32” are considered ineligible TVs and host will be penalized 2 beers. This is 2009, time to grow up.
* Appropriate seating must be available to everyone invited. Strange guy who randomly showed up will be asked to stand or sit on the floor.
* Plan ahead. "Hey, you wanna order a pizza?" No, I want to eat the pizza that should already be here by now.
* Tip #1: That Guy - Where I live there aren't a lot of Steelers fans in the vicinity and I doubt think there are many Cardinal fans in general, but the one thing you don't want to do is be the serious fan at a Super Bowl party. If you've had a vested interest in the team all season and don’t have any other friends who have had a vested interest in the same team, stay home and watch it by yourself. Seems antisocial right? Wrong.
Think of this way: there is always some dude who doesn’t know anything about football who's at the Super Bowl party just for the food. 100% of the time this dude is a tool who will cheer for the other team just because he knows you're heavily invested in this game. He doesn’t cheer when something good happens to the opposite team but rather when something bad happens to your team. He gives you the little fist pump and the "I-just-clogged-the-toilet" grin. Being that the Super Bowl is the Holy Grail of your football watching season, and your team is in it, you will be tempted to punch him in the face and try to stab him in the larynx with the sharp part of the Dorito. Keep everyone's safety in mind, just stay home.
* Tip #2: Girl Party - If you are going to a Super Bowl party hosted by a bunch of girls and actually want to watch the game, you're playing with a bag full of angry snakes my friend; rattlers to be exact. I've been to a couple of these parties and understand why you would go: 1. there is always food 2. there are girls 3. their place doesn’t smell like feet. BUT, most of them are excited to have a party with all of their friends, not excited to watch the game. That's fair, just know this going in. You won’t hear any sideline analysis or game breakdown. This is fair warning; don’t let it get to you. (Side Note: If a girl hosting the party yells at everyone to shut-up during and injury update or something, you should immediately drop down on one knee and propose.)
* Tip#3: Channel Changer – Due to the heavy investment and long hours marketing people put into the Super Bowl, the only appropriate time to change the channel is during the halftime show, which always blows (Springsteen really? Does the music coordinator know that not everyone was born in New Jersey in the 70's). This is true for all halftime shows unless one of the Jackson’s is in it. In which case set your Tivo and get excited.
If the game sucks, the best conversation the next day is going to revolve around the commercials. Study them and be able to repeat them the next day. You might get a promotion for being the funny guy who can remember things like monkeys who play with cell phones.
Quick Tips:
* No green veggies at all-man parties. In fact the only veggies allowed on the veggie plates are carrots and must be covered in ranch dressing. This is a scenario when the term "sausage fest" is uniquely appropriate.
* Gambling is good and encouraged. Nothing like a good Super Bowl grudge between friends because Frank had to watch the game outside for the first quarter when the coin toss landed heads.
* Seriously, if a girl says “shut up” during the Super Bowl game marry her.
* TVs less than 32” are considered ineligible TVs and host will be penalized 2 beers. This is 2009, time to grow up.
* Appropriate seating must be available to everyone invited. Strange guy who randomly showed up will be asked to stand or sit on the floor.
* Plan ahead. "Hey, you wanna order a pizza?" No, I want to eat the pizza that should already be here by now.
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